Postmodernists Should Be Slapped Really Hard
Posties are the ones who think
That nothing’s absolutely true
(That rhymes for me, just not for you)
But what’s the use of courts and clinks?
Thieves aren’t wrong, so they go free?
To you, that’s bad, but not to me…
And if all views are true, what then of that
Which claims absolutes? Your theory falls flat!
Don’t try to get out by citing a clause
That allows for both/and; it won’t work, because…
Well, try crossing the road in front of my bus
It’s one or the other, not both of us!
Reductio, reductio, reductes ad absurdum
Good luck-to-you, good luck-to-you in sleeping once you’ve heard ‘em
General relativity’s not true for morality
It’s a situation of some gravity
Spatiotemporal matrices bend and curve when one deceives
The truth does not depend on how one sees
I Kant believe you are prepared to deny
The world’s not unknowable - that’s crazy, an’ I
Dislike triple negatives, besides which, your pos.
Is self-destructing, as Bond’s Aston was
If the world is unknowable, how’d you know that?
Your worldview falls down on the ground with a splat!
Undoing common sense, you’re yourself undone
Stringing up absolutes, you become highly strung
Defying all logic, you claim to be right
Whilst claiming no wrong; it’s not very bright!
[guitar solo]
General relativity’s not true for morality
It’s a situation of some gravity
Spatiotemporal matrices bend and curve when one deceives
The truth does not depend on how one sees
[instrumental]
The view is simply too absurd
Rebuttal it does not deserve
Yet as it’s taught, most do believe
Against all odds; this makes me grieve, for…
Moral relativity’s nowhere near reality
It’s just not true for any locality
I think we can all agree that postmods don’t think freely
They can’t see the wood for the trees
It’s true for you and true for me…
Creative Commons’d Oscar Hyde, 2006.